when dads think they are helping but...

Dads want to help. They really do.

I know that. You know that.

But often, they haven't got a clue what is truly helpful to a homeschooling mom.

They think their role is to "ensure" homeschooling is happening the "right way".

There must be "discipline" and strict routines to be followed to ensure progress.

All of these are good intentions, and to be fair, sometimes this can be helpful.

But on most days, this does not help. 

What no one considers... including us... is the fact that we are learning at home.

Home is a different setting from a school or office.

This creates a mismatch in expectations vs reality that is tremendous.

There is an emotional weight that comes with trying to live outside the norms, struggling and seemingly "failing" at it.

An invisible burden that is carried primarily by the mother. 

On most days, we do not want another person (especially our husbands) asking us if we are "on track."

Especially on days we are emotionally spent,

exhausted from checking off that never-ending to-do list,

or just tired of being "on" all day long—to the struggles, to the moods, to the tantrums, to the messes, and the pending housework that stares back at us.

On such days, this simple question whispers doubt into our hearts

It strokes our deepest fears and makes us wonder if we are even cut out for this...

Our reactions in such moments do not inspire confidence in our husbands, and things only get worse from here if we are not careful.

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I was on a coaching call with a sister recently, and I could clearly see that this sister is creating problems for herself because she is having to manage her husband's anxieties and doubts along with her own.

Doubts cloud our judgment and lead to poor decision-making, and I could clearly see it playing out in this scenario.

The goal of raising and educating a wholesome, self-directed learner suffers when we start operating from a place of fear, when we don't stop to consider the context in which learning is happening. 

Homeschooling requires team effort, and it is a family goal because this lifestyle demands a shift in the way the entire family operates. 

It is about building an intentional family culture more than anything else. This cannot be done by moms alone. 

Moms need support—physical support, financial support, and the often neglected—emotional support.

We often talk about what helps in homeschooling—curricula, resources, community, and techniques, etc., etc.

But here is something that is far more helpful than any of this—

A strong partnership with our husbands.

Thriving Homeschools are built by thriving families. 

In 14 years of doing this, I have watched my husband grow and rise up to this challenge in ways I never would have imagined. He has been an anchor and a pillar that has kept me going... especially in recent years.

But this didn't happen overnight. We struggled, we made mistakes, we triggered each other, and made things worse needlessly. But over time, we learnt many lessons and rectified what was going wrong.

My husband didn't start right; he would ask me questions that would make me panic... but over time, he observed, he learnt and grew in his understanding. I learnt many lessons as well. We are truly grateful for all the beneficial knowledge we have been able to acquire and apply in our lives.

We bring these lessons and share them with our community. I am sharing a session my husband conducted for dads inside RECLAIM. I hope you find this beneficial. Watch it with your spouse and let me know what resonated with you.

Watch The Session

Building our family culture, strengthening our marriage and partnership with our husbands, is a worthy investment. You really need to help your husband understand what you need, help him grow in his role.

Your husband has the best intentions at heart. There is only a knowledge gap and some default conditioning that he needs help with. Stand by him and support his growth, try to understand where he is coming from, and help him understand your challenges.

Prioritize his learning and growth alongside yours. Stop treating homeschooling as a children's education thing. It is a family journey, and every member needs something from this to do their part well. May Allah guide us all. 

May He beautify our journey as mothers with a blessed partnership with our spouses.

PS. This video is available only until tomorrow EOD. Share with others who may benefit while it is still up.